This Month’s Film: To Be Announced
Cuisine: Korean

I have a dirty little secret. One that I can finally confess, now that the ordeal is over. For weeks, I have been battling an infestation of grain moths in my kitchen.

For those of you who have never had the experience, grain moths, a.k.a. Indian Meal Moths (Plodia interpunctella), are among the most insidious and destructive little pests on the planet. Oh, they may look harmless enough, as they flutter about on dusty wings like so many kitchen faeries. But don’t be fooled. They will worm their way into every cereal, grain, meal, flour, noodle, chip, and cookie in your pantry. They even get into paper products, tea bags, and believe it or not…powdered wasabi! They can get into tightly sealed jars, heavy plastic bags, and unopened boxes lined with airtight envelopes. No form of packaging, no matter how invincible can stop these relentless creatures.

They first infiltrate your kitchen by hitching a ride as larvae, somewhere among your groceries, in some seemingly innocent bag of granola, cornmeal, or ramen. And before you know it, they’re everywhere. At first, all you may notice is one or two, hovering about your kitchen. Next, you might notice them in tiny swarms, taking flight as you disturb the air in your kitchen when you get up in the morning to make breakfast.

But by then, it’s too late. Although you may not see them yet, they’re already everywhere. Canoodling in your couscous, romancing in your rice, cocooning in your cornmeal, nesting in your Nabiscos, and hatching in your hibiscus tea. They multiply like mice on Viagra, and I swear, like the Tribbles that once plagued the Enterprise, the little buggers must be born pregnant, although they can be seen doing the wild thing on your kitchen walls and countertops during their brief mating season.

You can also recognize their presence by the microscopic holes they leave in the packaging of your carbohydrate products, and the dainty little webs they weave once they’re inside the package. The good news is: they’re mostly harmless. They don’t bite or sting, they’re relatively easy to catch and kill, and their life cycle is very short. The bad news is: you’re gonna have to GET RID of every box, bag, jar, and canister of carbohydrates in your kitchen, and possibly all your tea bags and paper products too. And don’t forget to check your dry pet foods.

Once that’s done, and you’ve replaced all your carbohydrate products (flour, cereal, crackers, cookies, noodles, etc.), you’re going to have to store them in the refrigerator or freezer until you’re certain that you’re rid of all the undiscovered progeny they left behind. In other words, once you suddenly notice that you haven’t seen a single grain moth or any sign of them for weeks. After that, whether you choose to store your carbs in your cupboards and pantry again is up to you. But do so at the peril of reinfestation the next time you bring home a box of that bargain granola or a bag of exotic flour from the Asian or Mexican market.

Pesticides are not recommended for treatment of grain moths, however, one highly effective weapon is an ordinary strip of fly paper, the kind that comes in spiral rolls and can be thumbtacked to your kitchen ceiling. You will be amazed at how quickly it fills up with the little devils.

And one last word to the wise: DON’T LIVE IN DENIAL. If you see even a single grain moth, as heartbreaking and inconvenient as it may be, go through your pantry, look for signs of them in your carbohydrate products and get rid of anything that looks suspicious. And if you begin to see more than just a few, bite the bullet and get rid of all your carbs immediately, before Plodia interpunctella takes over your kitchen and your life.

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